Time to Turn a New Leaf

It is always sad whenever I have to say goodbye or when I have to let something go. It has been a nagging suspicion over the past 10 years that my friendship with someone I hold dear is all one-sided. Recently that has been presented to me in neon-flashing lights. I always excused her behavior as being busy or newly married. I am newly married now, but I try to make time for friends, especially if they called me.

I wanted to merge our friendship with that of our husbands, as we talked about our families being friends when we were married and had children. Right now neither of us has children. It was difficult to set up a time to meet the two of them, my calls to confirm the time were not returned until the day we chose three months prior to the actual day. That to me was a sign. She is not too keen on keeping up our friendship.

Honestly it hurts. I wish that I didn't have to put our friendship on the backburner. I really like being around her. May be I am too chubby for her. May be she just doesn't like my personality. May be she really didn't like me to begin with. All I know is that two weeks ago, I left her a voicemail that was unanswered. This week I called again. I honestly doubt she will try to keep the friendship going.

I tried. I am tired. I feel like over the past 10 or so years I have been the one setting up one-on-one meetings, shopping trips, lunches. I have a full time job, she is a stay-at-home wife. Once I stopped being able to go to club meetings (because of my job) she has not strived to keep up communication. There are always parties that we go to that are in common, but other than that we have no communication.

Turning this new leaf is very sad for me. I don't want to do it but I know that in the long run, if she truly is my friend, I will see a change. But I have my doubts too. Over the past five years communication between us has been on my shoulders, and she is status quo. *sigh* I am sad.